he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
