he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You are the jesus of drinking
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
