Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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