When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You dont lie about slip and slides
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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