I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
