i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
