I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
