So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
