More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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