I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
