His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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