we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
