I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize