now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
im holly from the hills drunk
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
