so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
