Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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