I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
