I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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