We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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