Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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