I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I think I am morally bankrupt
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
