there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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