I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
