How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Life is so much better after having sex.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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