I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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