its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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