he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
