Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
