if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
