found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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