i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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