I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
