You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
