It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
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