He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Randomize
