allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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