dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
