You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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