My boss' voice literally gives me gas
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
