True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
