and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
