the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Randomize
