yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
