I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
she peed on how many people?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
