my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
