32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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