sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
