I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
