I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
