It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
