yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
