i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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