the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
