Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
People with herpes should wear stickers.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
