it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
