Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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