4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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