Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
