I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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