Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(864): View more from South Carolina

I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.

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(951): View more from California

she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.

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(941): View more from Florida

I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special

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(541): View more from Oregon

I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.

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(815): View more from Illinois

Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone

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(605): View more from South Dakota

We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.

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(647): View more from Ontario

Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.

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(647): View more from Ontario

The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads

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