remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
