just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
