My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
