I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
