Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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