just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
it's like iHOP with fire
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
