If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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