They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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