I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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